I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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