i used baking grease as lip gloss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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