Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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