Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize