Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry about my life...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize