My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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