Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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