Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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  (714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho
  Replies (113) Good night (7759) Bad night (1112)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But what if I pay for the gas?

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  (303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0
  Replies (53) Good night (1031) Bad night (6860)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

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  (512): Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/4hqu
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ

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  (405): I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ http://tfl.nu/wml8
  Replies (62) Good night (1683) Bad night (3029) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (5009) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3162) Bad night (822)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh god was she eating orange peels again

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  (508): oh god was she eating orange peels again http://tfl.nu/g701
  Replies (8) Good night (1066) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Champagne is a vitamin, right?

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  (904): Champagne is a vitamin, right? http://tfl.nu/gkox
  Replies (4) Good night (2179) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

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  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2692) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns

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  (509): Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns http://tfl.nu/s30q
  Replies (11) Good night (1726) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"

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  (774): She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious" http://tfl.nu/oxyq
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.

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  (902): I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged. http://tfl.nu/u3dy
  Replies (5) Good night (807) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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  (859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp
  Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

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  (415): It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms. http://tfl.nu/erk3
  Replies (9) Good night (1764) Bad night (251)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something

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  (612): Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something http://tfl.nu/w0o2
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt

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