Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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