I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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