i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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