i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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