Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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