I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize