I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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