how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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