When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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