Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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