Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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