hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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