I'm passing your future prison.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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