Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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