he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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