i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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