Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize