I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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