I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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