Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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