God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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