I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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