Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize