you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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