i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize