im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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