do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize