New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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