i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize