I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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