Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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