He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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