I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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