I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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