So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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