Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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