Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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