I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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