the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize