The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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