Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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