Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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